Author: Anne Tyler
Back When We Were Grownups is a psychological novel exploring the inner world of the main character, Rebecca Davitch. Rebecca married Joe Davitch, an owner of a family business organizing parties, and she met him when she attended her friend’s engagement party. Joe was divorced with three little girls, whilst Rebecca was studying history at the time and dropped out of college to marry Joe, who swept her off her feet. She then started to run his family business, The Open Arms, with him and his mother, and after his premature death, ended up as a carer to his three little girls and their daughter. However, Rebecca did not just walk away from her studies but also from her boyfriend Will, with whom she was engaged. She walked away in surprise, and married two weeks later without anyone, Will, or her family knowing that she was seeing Joe.
We learnt this story through Rebecca’s inner thoughts because the book narrates her current life, and then frequently and within the same chapter, goes into her thoughts about the past. The writing mimics the actual human condition because we all go about our lives, do work and socialize, but we have thoughts about our past. I certainly do, and I often drift off. This inner world is portrayed well, and we get to learn Rebecca’s life story intertwined with the present. At first, reading the book feels chaotic and a bit difficult because this is not a structured book; present and past are intertwined, but once I got used to it, I enjoyed her story because it felt real. Naturally, I would have liked to know more about her family and their stories, but this is not a book that takes an external perspective and where the author narrates external influences and how they influence human behavior. Rebecca’s choices were not driven by society or family, it was her choice to abandon her studies and her boyfriend to marry Joe and join his big family. Therefore, the author narrates Rebecca’s present, but frequently takes a first-person perspective written in a third-person language; thus, we have Rebecca’s point of view, and the author as the narrator frequently disappears from the book. I suppose I find it hard to get into the free indirect discourse narrative technique that this book uses, and in doing so, it is similar to Margaret Atwood’s book (see here), just better in my view because Rebecca’s thoughts are explored in more depth. On the other hand, if I ever wrote a novel, it would probably be something like this one, but that would be the reader’s problem lol
Back When We Were Grownups is a reference to Rebecca’s turning point in life when she decided to drop out of college and marry Joe. In the present, she is considering her life choices and how time has passed without her realizing it. She got immersed in family business and raising a family, struggling to be a mother and a stepmother. Therefore, now that all her daughters are having their own families, and Poppy (brother of her husband’s father, who has lived with her longer than Joe did; they were only married for six years before she was widowed) is celebrating his 100th birthday, she is contemplating her life. In that, she is thinking about her life and feels as if she was grownup when she was in college, studying and planning her life commenting how her former boyfriend has continued to be a grownup and develop whereas she went backwards, no longer reads, has friends or interests and has stopped her intellectual development. She starts ordering newspapers, The New York Times, The New York Review of Books, and goes to the library to read historical books again. She also contacts her ex-boyfriend and tries to rekindle their relationship. Thoughts describing this decision-making process were poignantly written, and the reader can see how she feels about missing out on life and, in a way, tries to re-create her life to see where it could go, but ultimately, it seems she just needed closure. So, the book explores closures and what could have been, but also that sometimes things are right in front of us, but we do not see them. The book also explores the impostor syndrome because Rebecca feels as if she is an impostor in her own house and her own life due to suddenly abandoning everything she had planned. So, the book is also about self-discovery and trying to figure yourself out, after being swept into family duties for 30 years. I particularly liked the aspect of closure and trying to live out our abandoned dreams. Whether we can do that, or whether we become different people and no longer want the same stuff (I am not saying which one it is for this book; you will need to read this gem to find out), it is always for the better, because one finds their inner peace. Ultimately, that is exactly what I have done when abandoning a settled life in the UK, where I was indeed happy, felt like I belonged, but that childhood dream of living in the US was always at the back of my mind. For now, I love it in the US and do not think of leaving, but even if I ever do, I will always have my inner peace because I’ve fulfilled that dream.
Words could do no justice to Back When We Were Grownups. There is so much more that can be said about this book. Once I got into it, I absolutely loved it, and this is one of those books that I will not forget. Beautiful! Inspiring! Give it a try and stick it out!
Thank you for reading!